


Save Me 'Til The Party Is Over

by Jayson_is_spacin



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Little Shit, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders-Centric, Background Logicality - Freeform, Based on a Conan Gray Song, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders-centric, Deceit | Janus Sanders is a Little Shit, Drinking, Heavy Angst, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Prinxiety is endgame, Prinxiety is fine the bad relationship is Janus and v, Roman needs a hug, Slow Burn, Song fic, Swearing, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, he really is a jerk in this, it will get happy i swear, most other ships are past relationships, roman needs love, use of alcohol, yeah virgil isnt that much better either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26581711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayson_is_spacin/pseuds/Jayson_is_spacin
Summary: Roman, the cut that always bleeds.Roman knew that no matter what, he would always be there for Virgil. At heart, Roman was a romantic, his romantic feelings for Virgil will override his logical thoughts. He cannot stop his heart. The heart wants what it wants, and it will bleed for Virgil as long as it wants him. At this point, Roman may bleed out.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 16
Kudos: 95





	1. The Cut that always Bleeds

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is inspired by the song The Cut That Always Bleeds by Conan Grey. I would recommend that you listen to it before, after, or while reading this. It is a good song. All of these chapters are inspired by different Conan Grey songs actually. He is an awesome artist and I would recommend him to anyone.

Roman never did things halfway. He jumped into things headfirst and gave it his all. Maybe that’s why his situation with Virgil frustrated him to no extent.

Virgil and Roman dated in high school, and due to no fault of either of them, they didn’t work out. Virgil wasn’t out to his parents and they did not like Virgil even interacting with the “flamboyant”, extroverted, theatre star, and very out of the closet homosexual that was Roman. Roman was the one to recommend that they end it, Virgil was not opposed. Roman tried not to let the judgmental looks and comments from Virgil’s parents when he went over to “study” bother him, but they slowly chipped away at his already fragile teenage mind. It was best for Roman’s mental state and Virgil’s already heightened anxiety to end it.

However, Roman didn’t expect that after they stopped dating that they would stop being friends entirely. Roman would wave at him in the halls only to be ignored. Roman finally cornered him and asked why only to revive the answer that Virgil had told his parents that they were no longer friends so that’s why Roman wasn’t coming over anymore. Apparently Roman had lied to him and Virgil got mad about it. After that, Roman didn’t press the issue.

Roman didn’t allow him to think about the emo teenager that somehow stole his heart. He didn’t let himself think about what could have happened if they never broke up and things were different. Roman made himself move on. Past high school, past his first job, past his next relationships, past college, past moving out of town, and into his own house, Virgil slowly faded into the back of his mind.

Roman wasn’t thinking about Virgil when his new boyfriend, Patton, invited him to a get together with some of his friends at his house. Patton was excited to introduce Roman to his friends, and Roman was excited to meet them. Virgil was pushed into the furthest corners of his mind, Roman’s ex-boyfriend from high school was the last person he expected Patton to be friends with.

Roman recognized Virgil almost immediately. Roman had arrived before the party even started to help Patton get ready, so when the doorbell rang as soon as it hit the 6 o’clock party time, Roman went to answer the door. Roman’s greeting stopped in his throat as he looked at Virgil, long and forgotten emotions rising to the surface, from the expression on Virgil’s face, Virgil’s thoughts were mirroring Roman’s.

“Ro? Who’s at the door?” Patton came up behind him. He was finishing up something in the kitchen, that was why Roman had to get the door in the first place. Patton grinned as he saw Virgil and set his oven mitts aside. “Virgil!”

There was no doubt in either of the ex-lover’s faces as Patton hugged Virgil tightly, they recognized each other and neither of them knew what to do.

Patton, oblivious to the awkward tension in the air, broke the hug and brought Virgil inside. “Virgil, this is my new boyfriend I was telling you about. Roman, this is my friend Virgil. He may act like a grump, but he is really just a big teddy bear.”

Roman smiled slightly as Virgil shot Patton a halfhearted glare. “I’m well aware that Virgil is all bark and no bite.”

Both Virgil and Patton turned to look at Roman after he said that. Patton was confused, Virgil was redirecting his glare but with more power behind it.

“You know Virgil?” Patton asked curiously, there wasn’t any accusation, Patton hardly held any malus…ever. Patton probably wasn’t even capable of insulting anyone, that is unless absolutely necessary. Roman hasn’t seen angry Patton, but he has heard stories, enough to know that he wanted to avoid him at all costs.

At this Roman’s smile faltered slightly. “Knew.”

Virgil winced ever so slightly and looked away from Roman to look at Patton, then deciding the lent on his jacket was more interesting. “Roman is my ex from high school...you know...the…”

Roman didn’t have enough time to even think about what Virgil was going to say or overthink about the fact that he talked to Patton about him, probably before they even met because Patton’s eyes widened and he looked between the two of them. “Oh...well. That was a long time ago right? There shouldn’t be any problems tonight?”

Both Virgil and Roman shook their heads, Virgil mumbled something that could have been “no” and Roman was very quick to assure his boyfriend that tonight’s party will be a success.

Roman’s speech was cut off by the doorbell shortly after it started. Patton ran off to answer the door leaving Virgil and Roman in awkward silence. Roman opened his mouth to speak but he ended up being pulled away by an excited Patton.

As the guests trickled in, Patton excitedly introduced Roman to each one. Logan came in after Virgil, he was a little distant and clearly a nerd but Roman didn’t have much to say besides that. After Logan came to Janus, he was overdressed for what the party was, but Patton acted like it was normal, so he said nothing of it or of the scars on one side of his face. Emile was next and Roman and him hit it off, talking about different Disney films to the point Patton walked away, he only came back when Remy came. Remy had arrived an hour late and didn’t take off his sunglasses upon walking inside, he only slipped down his sunglasses ever so slightly to look Roman up and down before saying ‘You can do better’ to Patton and walked off. Patton did his best to console Roman’s very bruised ego before running after Remy to insist that he apologize.

Roman didn’t interact with Virgil for most of the party. Any time he saw Virgil he was with Janus, so Roman stuck to Patton’s side and talked with Emile when he didn’t have Remy laying in his lap on his phone. It was near the end of the party when the two actually got to talk. Janus and Patton were talking, and Virgil was the one who went up to Roman.

“Hey…” Virgil looked at him. “So, uh…”

Roman looked at him, really looked at him, his face was the same but more matured, he was still wearing his older brother's old hoodie but he had grown into it more, and the jacket’s holes were stitched together with different fabrics. His love of that jacket never faded. Neither did his love of skinny jeans with holes and band tees as evidenced by his black and ripped skinny jeans and his MCR shirt. He may have gotten older, but he hardly changed, but Roman did notice the changes, they stuck out far easier than the things that were the same. His hair was a little bit longer than his parents would ever allow, his ears were pierced, his nails were painted black, and he had several bracelets, most were dark as the rest of his apparel but the rainbow one caught his eye.

Roman couldn’t help but give him a smile. “It seems like you’ve hardly changed.”

Virgil shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I could say the same thing for you...Princey.” Virgil said the old nickname with a slight quirk to his lips.

Roman let out a low chuckle, he was right of course. “You could always see through any act I put up.”

Virgil’s hardly existent smile fell. “Look, I knew Pat had a new boyfriend, but I didn’t…”

“And I didn’t know that he knew you. We were both caught unawares. I just hope that this time we can be friends.” Roman forced a smile but the pain of being ignored and being set aside by someone he did truly care about, emotions he had set aside years ago were bubbling to the surface along with many more he couldn’t quite place.

Virgil looked down. “I’m...I’m sorry about that. Why don’t we just restart and act like that never happened?”

“All of it?” Roman tried not to sound hurt, glad that he was an actor because he was pretty sure he pulled it off.

“Yeah. All of it. This can be our new start. We can start over.” Virgil looked at Roman again.

Roman plastered on a smile and held out his hand. “If that’s the case, my name is Roman.”

Virgil relaxed and shook it, laughing ever so slightly at Roman’s antics. “Virgil.”

It worked at first, they got to get to know each other all over again. They quickly became friends as Roman was introduced into Patton’s friend group.

But it got harder to ignore their history when Roman found himself single. Patton and him didn’t end up working out, there was no fight, they just decided that they were better friends than boyfriends. So Roman stayed in the friend group, and things got...strange between him and Virgil.

Roman was most likely the closest to Virgil and Patton. Patton was the first person he met when he moved here, and he had known Virgil for years, even if they agreed to forget about it, the history was there.

The history was shown by the way Roman remembered how Virgil liked being held during and after his panic attacks. It was shown by the way Virgil remembered all of Roman’s top ten Disney songs. It was shown by the way Roman remembered his teasing pet names. It was shown by the way Virgil remembered Roman’s coffee order. It was shown how Roman remembered how to play with Virgil’s hair just right.

Their history is probably why they ended up all over each other one night. Pure muscle memory. It was the muscle memory that caused Roman to lean forward after Virgil stumbled out an apology about being a dick after they broke up. It was muscle memory that caused Virgil to kiss him back. It was just muscle memory that caused Virgil to rush in for a second, a third, and fourth. Roman blamed his muscle memory for how he gripped at Virgil’s jacket and shoved it off. Virgil blamed his muscle memory for how he kissed down Roman’s neck and focused on the spot he liked. It was also the muscle memory’s fault for why they both liked it.

The only reason they stopped was because Virgil got a phone call. The ringtone snapped them both into reality. Virgil answered the call and afterward reminded Roman that he had to get up early tomorrow, so he left, an awkward elephant in the room.

Virgil didn’t necessarily avoid Roman for the month that followed, but things definitely weren’t the same. Virgil would still go to the weekly hangouts with the group that he knew Roman always attended, but they didn’t spend any time alone together. Roman would ask to come over to his place or see if Virgil could come over, only to get the response ‘I’m busy’. Roman would find a way to pull Virgil aside to ask what it meant to him only for Virgil to say that he had to go. Virgil was fine when there was someone else there, but if it was only him and Roman, he suddenly had to leave.

Roman watched as Patton and Logan started dating, he was happy for them, but he couldn’t help but look at Virgil as Patton grinned as he told the news over their weekly dinner. He wanted to give his own announcement, but Virgil wouldn’t even look at him.

Patton was grinning and holding Logan’s hand as he explained how it happened. Remy was just saying how ‘It was about time’ and everyone else was congratulating them. Roman even let out his own celebratory smile. He truly was happy for them.

When everyone settled down, Janus suddenly stood up. “I have my own news, though I don’t wish to take away from the attention of Patton and Logan.”

It was a bit late for that, everyone was looking at him now, though he hardly seemed to care. Virgil slowly stood up next to him, this grabbed Roman’s interest far more than it should have.

Roman felt his stomach churn with the food he just ate when Janus intertwined his hand with Virgil’s. Roman was regretting his decision to eat s majority of the appetizer when he heard Patton squeal and a chorus of congratulations around him started. Roman felt sick, but at least he had his answer. Virgil looked at Roman, if Roman wasn’t losing his lunch, he was at least getting his heart ripped out at that moment. Roman looked away.

Roman kept his distance from Virgil after that, and most events with the group that involved Virgil, Janus, or both. Roman wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he spent those weeks alone in his apartment crying, wondering what he did wrong. Virgil didn’t call him, but Patton did constantly check on him because he was “acting strange”. Roman always denied it, told Patton he was just feeling under the weather. Ironically, the very person who caused Roman’s depressive episode was the one to pull him out of it.

Two weeks of constant Disney marathons, ice cream, and tears, Roman got a call from Virgil. Roman stared at the contact that he hadn’t expected to see, he didn’t want him, he chose Janus, so why is the photo Roman took of Virgil in his horrible Halloween costume and “Emo Nightmare” filling up his phone screen? Roman almost missed the call with how long he stared and debated answering it.

“Virgil?” Roman’s voice was quiet, hesitant, he wouldn’t be surprised if the phone didn’t even pick up the whisper.

On the other end of the line, Virgil huffed out a sigh of relief. “Roman. Thank God. I didn’t think you would answer. Okay, I... I know this is a lot to ask. I know we haven’t talked but I am sorta out of options right now and I really don’t know what to do and it is nearly midnight I don’t think there would be anyone else who would be up and I called you because you sometimes tend to stay up late and-”

“Virgil, what’s wrong?” Roman cut him off, he was rambling, that usually meant he was stressed out and anxious in some way. Roman, already forgetting why he was watching the movie and why the pint of ice cream was even there, was already pausing the movie and setting the ice cream aside. He had the feeling he was going to have to leave the house soon.

“Janus won’t let me inside the apartment, and I need a place to crash.”

That got Roman to his feet immediately, “I’ll go pick you up.”

When he did, the car was silent as Virgil fidgeted, neither of them knew what to say. The only words they have spoken to each other since the announcement were just now on the phone and a simple “thanks” and “no problem” once Roman picked him up.

Finally, Roman broke the silence, “Do...do you want to talk about what happened?”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, Virgil tensed up immediately. “Roman, I-”

Roman immediately spoke over him to try and ease whatever anxiety he had caused and hopefully fix it before it got worse. “Sorry, I know it’s not any of my business what happened but locking out of the apartment at midnight is a fucked-up thing to do. If you don’t want to talk, okay.”

Virgil’s shoulders relaxed slightly, apparently, that was the right thing to say, “Yeah, Jan was being a bit of an ass.”

“I little more than a bit. He was the full ass.”

This caused Virgil to snicker out a laugh, Roman wasn’t far behind.

While Virgil was still laughing, he looked at Roman who was still behind the wheel, “What does that even mean?”

“It means that he was a full ass,” Roman states confidently as if it made perfect sense.

“You don’t even know everything that happened.”

“He locked you outside at midnight, that makes him the full ass.”

They both started laughing. Just like that, there was a return to how things were before they kissed before Janus made the announcement. Roman knew that as the silence returned, that no matter what happened that he and Virgil would have each other in some way or another. There were things that they needed to talk about, but now wasn’t the time and the comfortable silence was welcomed by both. Their friendship may have been twisted and strained, but it wasn’t broken. They can work through this.

When Roman pulled into the driveway Virgil obviously saw the pity party Roman had set up, but he didn't say anything, it made his sleeping spot more comfortable. Roman wordlessly set the food he had put aside, too tired to completely clean everything up, it was approaching 2am. When Roman was throwing away the ruined and melted ice cream, it finally hit him that he is cleaning his living room couch for the person who caused this mess in the first place. Roman shoved an empty soda can in the trash a bit too harshly.

“The couch is yours. There’s already plenty of blankets and pillows for you. It’s late, I’m heading to bed.” Roman was already heading to his room, not looking at Virgil. He can deal with his emotions regarding how he felt about Virgil later.

Roman would like to say that he and Virgil talked the next morning, that the two worked through their emotions, that Virgil gave Janus the middle finger and that they broke up, that Roman was there to sweep him off of his feet. Life is hardly that simple.

The next day, Janus figured out that Virgil was at Roman’s house, he bought gifts and an apology for Virgil, not even acknowledging Roman. Virgil left with Janus with only giving Roman a halfhearted thank you to Roman before he left.

Roman wished that was the only time that happened, but it wasn’t. Roman would get call after call from Virgil, saying that Virgil needed him because Janus and him got into some fight, that Janus said this, that Janus did this, or that he just “needed space” from Janus. Every single time, Roman was there. Every single time Roman would be there for Virgil when his boyfriend failed. Virgil’s boyfriend who Virgil has as many awful things to say as Roman does. The boyfriend that Virgil doesn’t even seem to want to spend time with.

It has been a month of calls, a month of visits from Virgil with frantic knocking at ungodly hours. A month of Roman spending his gas money picking Virgil up from Janus’ apartment, restaurants, and parks at all sorts of hours due to Janus abandoning him. A month of Virgil and Roman staying up and Virgil admitting that he knows that Janus is selfish, that he probably doesn’t care, that his apologies are all just damage control. A month of Virgil running back to Janus after each and every weak apology.

Roman will admit that there was a positive side to this, he had never spent as much time with Virgil in his life. Virgil is constantly over at his apartment, Roman even gave Virgil a copy of his key so he could get in and away from Janus when Roman wasn’t home. At this moment, Roman assumed Virgil spent more time with him than his actual boyfriend.

Virgil was currently inside of Roman’s apartment because Janus got mad when Virgil couldn’t pay the bill for their date night, abandoning him at the restaurant where Roman then picked him up. Roman and Virgil were quiet as they sat next to each other on the couch. The silence was a tense cloud that practically engulfed the two of them, but Roman didn’t regret causing it. Roman looked at Virgil who was curled up in blankets, his hands around his mug of hot cocoa. Janus had left him outside in the snow, Roman was doing all he could to warm him up, but the slight tremble in Virgil’s hand was caused by the cold.

“I can’t.” Virgil finally whispered out, not even looking at Roman.

“You can. You can’t let him keep doing this to you, Virgil. It hurts you, he hurts you, Virgil.” Roman insists. He left out the fact that it hurts him. It hurts him that to see Virgil hurt, he has lost so many hours of sleep due to the anxiety and because Virgil needed him. It hurt to see Virgil being hurt when Roman had feelings for him. When Roman would do anything for him.

Virgil looked down into his cup. “Never physically.”

“He doesn’t have to.”

Virgil went quiet but he stood, setting the mug aside. “Thank you for helping Roman. I think I’m going to go home now; he probably has calmed down by now.”

Roman didn't respond as Virgil left. He sat on his couch, stewing in his thoughts. When the door clicked shut, he allowed the first tears to fall. He allowed himself to feel the pain, the pain of Virgil picking Janus over him. Virgil Picked Janus, a man who mistreats him, a man who abandons Virgil, a man who hardly wants Virgil over _him_. Roman sobbed and cursed himself for even helping Virgil, for allowing him back in his life, of course, Virgil didn’t want him, Virgil left before, he wouldn’t want him now. Virgil sees through him; he sees who he is and knows just how worthless he is. Roman sobbed and cursed himself for falling for Virgil again. When Virgil’s abandoned coco grew cold, Roman’s tears dried, and he slowly brought himself to his feet.

Roman poured the drink down the drain, exhausted. As he started to wash out the mug, Roman knew that no matter what, he would always be there for Virgil. At heart, Roman was a romantic, his romantic feelings for Virgil will override his logical thoughts. He cannot stop his heart. The heart wants what it wants, and it will bleed for Virgil as long as it wants him. At this point, Roman may bleed out.


	2. Wish You Were Sober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by Wish You Were Sober by Conan Grey, the fic title is a song lyric from the song. I would recommend that you listen to it. It's pretty loosely inspired but It's a good song and is what started the inspiration for the fic.

Roman liked most parties, he just didn’t like his brother’s parties. For those who didn’t know Roman’s brother, that may seem odd. However, for anyone who has even been within a five-foot radius of Remus, they probably would understand.

Remus is Roman’s twin brother, but the two hardly got along, not that Roman didn’t try. They were both loud, but Remus lacked any boundaries. Roman painted on canvases and drew on paper, Remus spray-painted on walls and drew on bathroom stalls. Roman swept men off their feet with flattery and flirtation, Remus had a foul mouth that was close to a perverted uncle.

Remus was family that Roman could love…at a distance of 10 feet. Roman did his best to avoid Remus, but Remus also did his best to show up unannounced and unprompted. Roman tended to avoid Remus’ parties at all costs, but Virgil needed him.

You see, Janus was apparently close friends with Remus (as if Roman needed more reasons to question Janus’ character), that meant Janus was invited to Remus’ party and he was dragging Virgil along...and Virgil was dragging Roman. It didn’t matter that Roman didn’t like going to his brother’s parties where he flaunted their parent’s wealth like it was his own. It didn’t matter that he hated being reminded that his brother wasted the money left to them in their will, that he would run out because he didn’t even try to work to replace it. No, that didn’t matter because Virgil needed him. Virgil didn’t want to go to the party because he wouldn’t know anyone going besides Janus and well...he never knew if he could rely on him being a ride home. So Roman pushed his own feelings about his irresponsible and perverted brother and dead parents aside, all for Virgil. As usual.

**Emo Nightmare:** are you here yet?

Roman put his phone away. He figured his reply could be walking into the door. Roman looked up at the house, a house that Remus would never be able to afford without the money from the will. Roman felt sick, even though he never really got along with Remus, it didn’t mean that he didn’t care for him. There was a reason that any house he bought he could afford with his own money that he earned himself, his parent’s money being a cushion to fall back on if he needed it. Remus was relying on it, and he was going to run out and- no. Today isn’t about that. Today he is at least going to be there for Virgil and maybe together the two of them could have fun.

Roman sighed and got out of the car, as soon as he did, he could already hear the music blasting from the house. Roman grimaced, Virgil definitely wasn’t having a good time with that. He locked his door and headed inside to look for ahead of black and purple hair. It was a lot harder than he thought it would be, apparently, his brother’s parties attracted a larger crowd than he thought. The house downstairs was decently crowded and he definitely didn’t know his way around yet.

yeah, just got inside, where are you? : **Sir sings-a-lot**

 **Emo Nightmare:** downstairs theres a kitchen behind the kitchen theres a little lobby near the back door

Roman read over the text a few times to make sure he understood it and knew exactly where to go before moving his way through the party and some already tipsy party goers. He made his way through the house. He eventually found a kitchen that was loaded with alcohol. From there it was pretty easy to follow the instructions and he found Virgil in a corner, his hands clenched tightly around a red solo cup that wasn’t even filled anymore.

Roman came up to him and gently rested his hand on his shoulder. Virgil was turned facing through another way, but it didn’t matter, Roman recognized him from his hoodie alone. Virgil jolted when Roman’s hand made contact and spun around, only to instantly relax when he registered it was Roman.

“You’re surprisingly hard to find.” Roman teased lightly.

“Probably because I want to be anywhere but here.” Virgil retorted, his grip on the cup loosening ever so slightly.

It wasn’t like Roman wanted to be there either, but he bit his tongue. “I see why you picked here to wait. The music isn’t drilling into my skull as bad here.”

Virgil spotted a trash can and threw his crumpled cup towards it, he missed, but he didn’t bother picking it up, there were already several nearby from other failed attempts. “So far this is the quietest place I’ve found, I haven’t tried upstairs yet.”

Roman leaned against the wall next to him. “Where’s that so-called boyfriend of yours?” Roman knew he probably should restrain from insulting Janus around Virgil, but his hate for Virgil’s boyfriend was about to boil over. Not so subtle jabs and telling Virgil to dump him was all he can do for now. As of now, he didn’t have an excuse to punch his face in, so he will have to settle for calling him an ass. The entire ass. Both cheeks _and_ the upper thighs.

Virgil didn’t jump to his boyfriend’s defense, instead, he crossed his arms and glared at the stairs. “Went upstairs with Remus. Told me ‘to enjoy the party downstairs’. Sure. I’ll just tell my anxiety and migraine to chill so I ‘can have fun’.” Virgil made sure to mockingly provide air quotes with his fingers and roll his eyes.

“Typical.” Roman huffed. Roman really didn’t know why Virgil didn’t just leave him. Janus treated him like shit.

Virgil just shrugged in response.

Roman sighed. “Come on. You need a refill and I haven’t even gotten a drink yet.”

Virgil nodded and followed Roman as he made his way through the drunken and dancing crowd.

Roman got Virgil and him some drinks and made the treacherous journey back to their quiet corner. The two of them relaxed into their corner and people watched, laughing and sharing jokes at the expense of the drunken idiots around them. They stood and theorized about what the redhead in the tank top did for work. Virgil bet that she worked in retail and hated every second of it and came to this party to cope and Roman thought that she has a well-paying job and is just bored. Eventually, Virgil went and got a second drink as they continued their game, he laughed a little more, leaned a bit more into the wall, and touched Roman a bit more than normal. But he wasn’t necessarily drunk yet. Roman wasn’t too concerned, but he definitely wasn’t going to let him drive.

Roman hadn’t even seen Janus for the entirety that he had been there, not like he cares for himself, but it just means that his hatred for Janus grew the longer he was absent. Roman was imagining a conversation where he could either curse Janus out or punch him in the face. He really wasn’t picky.

Suddenly he felt Virgil’s hand slip into his own. “Come on!”

Roman’s eyes widened as Virgil pulled him out to where the music was louder. “Virgil what are you-”

“I love this song!” Virgil was smiling as he stopped and looked at Roman and started to sing along. Roman recognized if vaguely as a song Virgil had played a few times. Roman couldn’t help but laugh slightly as Virgil started to dance like no one was watching. Virgil was definitely at least a little bit tipsy if not slightly drunk. But at least he was having fun.

“She said, ‘Babe, I’m sorry but I’m crazy tonight!” Virgil sang a little too loud to be good as he grabbed Roman’s hands, causing Roman to chuckle.

The two ended up dancing together while Virgil sang along. When the song ended, Virgil erupted into a fit of giggles and collapsed into Roman. Roman put his arms around him to help keep him upright. “Having fun yet?”

Virgil nodded while he smiled at him. “Yeah... Yeah, I am princey.”

Roman’s smile fell when he saw his brother approach. He guessed he could have seen it coming, this was _his_ party after all. That didn’t mean that he really wanted to talk to him. Especially with the state that he was in. His hair was disheveled, his shirt was unbuttoned, and bruises were already starting to form on his neck and collar bone. This definitely wasn’t the first time Roman saw his twin like this, he had actually seen him in worse states, that didn’t mean that he wanted to see it...ever.

“The ugly twin made it!” Remus grinned as he slung an arm around Roman.

Roman rolled his eyes and threw his arm off. “You reek.”

Now Roman has gotten pretty good at tuning his brother out over the years, but this time, it wasn’t even intentional. When Janus went up to Virgil, it stole his entire focus. While Remus was rambling about how Roman was just jealous about how he “got some action”, Roman looked over Janus. Now Janus was a man who came overdressed to every single event, so the fact that several of his hairs were out of place, his buttons were in the wrong holes, and his shirt was slightly wrinkled...it was enough to raise Roman’s eyebrow. For Janus, this was the equivalent to being an absolute wreck.

Virgil, even though he was getting drunk, noticed. Janus went and placed a kiss on Virgil’s cheek only for Virgil to look him up and down with a suspicious glare. Virgil put a finger around the collar of Janus’ shirt to reveal a hickey...a whole lot actually as Virgil lowered it more.

“Busted,” Remus said from beside Roman.

Roman turned from the sight in front of him to look at his brother. Wait. Didn’t Janus tell Virgil ... _oh shit._

Janus readjusted his shirt to cover them back up. “You don’t remember those? You may be having a little too much fun.” He gently took Virgil’s cup away.

Now Virgil maybe a little tipsy, but he still knew 2+2=4. Janus was telling him the answer was 5.

Virgil shoved Janus away harshly. “What the fuck? What the actual fuck Janus? I...I...this is the shitiest thing you’ve done. Kick me out of the apartment, make me pay for the restaurant that I can’t afford and I don’t even want to fucking be at, ditch me at your parents' house when they don’t approve of me, forget my birthday, forget to buy me anything on Valentines Day. I forgave you for all of that because you showed up with some giant fucking gift, some black roses and a half-assed apology. But I can’t forgive this. You drag me to a party, a party that I fucking hate and you fuck someone else while _I’m downstairs_! You know what? Fuck it. Fuck you. Fuck him. You could come crawling back on your knees dying. I don’t give a shit. I am fucking _done_ Janus. I’m done.”

“Virgil-“ Janus was most likely trying to come up with some sort of flimsy excuse to win Virgil over but Roman wouldn’t even give him the chance as he stood between the two.

“You heard him, Janus. He is done.” Roman glared at Janus.

Virgil put his arms around Roman’s waist. Surprise number one. “You take the fuck boy, and I’ll take the superior model.” Surprise number two.

Janus looked between them, “Is this your way of telling me that you also weren’t squeaky clean in this heartbreak?”

“What do you care? You get to fuck someone who’s as big of an ass as you and I get the Prince twin that is actually a prince.” Virgil glared at Janus. Surprise number three.

They had started to gather a small crowd around them. Apparently, Remus had called them to the scene.

“You have 4 days to leave then,” Janus said, tone strangely even.

“I’ll be out in 3.” Virgil bit back as Janus left the scene, dragging away Remus before he could cause any more trouble at his own party.

Roman was still trying to process what Virgil said about him, the fact that his arms were still wrapped around him, that was until Virgil let go of him to yell at the crowd to fuck off and continue dancing.

Losing that contact was all it took for Roman to start functioning like a human being again. “Virgil...I don’t think it’s a good idea to be drinking that.”

“Too late.” Virgil was already dumping the cup of alcohol into his mouth before Roman could stop him.

The rest of the night was repeated incidents of that. Roman did his best to keep the unhealthy coping mechanism away from him, but no matter how hard he tried, Virgil ended up with a cup in his hand and more alcohol in his system. Roman was exhausted after the third cup. He hated the music. He hated the people around them. He hated how Virgil refused to let Roman take him home because then “Janus would be ruining the fun”. Roman especially hated how drunk Virgil was getting. He was blending into the drunk people around him, the very people they were just making fun of moments before.

Now Roman had seen Virgil under the influence before. They had drunk together before, but Virgil had never gone this far. Now Roman had noticed that Virgil tended to get...clingy when he drank. Nothing too bad, but he definitely was less of a prickly cactus when it came to being touched. Roman figured that it was just because he was just a little touch starved and the alcohol got rid of his anxiety around touch. But tonight, if Virgil wasn’t drinking he was touching Roman in some way, shape, or form. On one hand, it was good because Roman could keep a close eye on him, on the other, it drove Roman absolutely crazy. To have Virgil this close to him, but Virgil was drunk out of his mind and probably didn’t even realize what he was doing. It was driving Roman up the walls with every single pound of the base drilling the point deeper into his skull. He just wanted to leave, but Virgil wouldn’t let him. He was only in this situation because of Virgil. He was at this party because of Virgil. He was sitting on the overcrowded couch for Virgil. He was letting Virgil sit on top of him, not for himself, but for Virgil.

He just wanted to leave. He wanted Virgil more than anything, but not like this. That’s why when Virgil suddenly cupped his face and did his best to focus on his face, Roman went still. Virgil was looking at him how he always wished and dreamed as if he was a spectacle, a sight to behold, but his eyes couldn’t quite focus, the room was too loud. It wasn’t quite right. When Virgil connected their lips, Roman was frozen in place. Surprise number four. Roman saw their first kiss after Janus was after the picture being a large romantic gesture...not whatever this is. Roman finally regained enough conscious thought to put a hand on Virgil’s chest and gently push him away.

“I’m getting you home.” Roman didn’t meet his eyes when he said it.

“ _NooooOoo_!” Virgil complained as Roman stood.

Roman wrapped an arm under Virgil and around his shoulders as he carried him out the door. That was his limit. He was leaving. He was done. Virgil continued to whine and complain as Roman dragged him out to his car.

“You- you know you s-should have stayed.” Virgil wasn’t really fighting him anymore, he had accepted his fate once Roman had started to dig for his keys.

“I’m not letting you drive or get an Uber alone when you’re this drunk. I’m also not letting you go to your apartment because you were kick-“ Roman sighed as he unlocked the car and opened the back door of his car.

“No, you stupid. After we kissed.” Virgil fell into the back seat unceremoniously as he spoke. “Ow.”

“I wasn’t staying at the party.” Roman leaned over and went to help get Virgil buckled.

“No, not that time, the at my house time. I- you know I didn’t want to stop. You should have stayed. If I- if he didn’t call me I wouldn’t be here right now, you know that?” Surprise number five.

The words made Roman stop in his tracks. He looked at Virgil. “What?”

“Jan had been sorta just...going for it- like me and I’d been avoiding him because I really liked you and shit but he asked me out. I should have canceled when you kissed me and he called. I-I should have said fuck you right there but- but I canceled- I ended up canceling y-you. I’m sorry. He is an ass and I was an ass to you and I should have gone for you.” Virgil’s words may have been slurred together as he spoke, but they were words Roman had wanted to hear. Virgil’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I should have gone for you.”

Roman was frozen as he looked at Virgil. It was everything he dreamed of, a romantic confession...why did he have to be drunk to admit it? Was he not good enough for sobriety?

“You can’t go back.” Roman matched Virgil’s volume as he looked at him.

“Can’t I try?” Virgil asked, and soon enough their lips were connected.

It was everything Roman dreamed. Virgil really did like him back in the same way he had been hoping. Virgil finally told him and they were kissing and it was electrifying. It was everything he wanted...until the taste of alcohol from Virgil hit Roman and the illusion was broken. Roman gently pulled away, a pang in his chest as he saw Virgil smile. Roman couldn’t have him, not like this.

Roman got Virgil buckled and got behind the wheel without any other incident. Virgil ended up passing out in the backseat. Roman held onto the wheel with a death grip, his knuckles white. It was unfair. It hurt. It felt like he was being stabbed. To finally know that his feelings were being returned but not being able to do anything about it and knowing that Virgil wouldn’t remember anything he said was painful. He hated it...but he still took Virgil to his home because he knew he had nowhere else to stay. He still carried Virgil into his house because he didn’t want to wake him. He still put Virgil into his own bed. He still set up a glass of water and pain pills for his hangover on the nightstand. He still slept on the couch. None of this was a surprise.

Roman didn’t have a plan for what he was going to do or say tomorrow morning when Virgil woke up, and honestly, at this point, he didn’t care. Now that Virgil put everything out in the open for him, he was going to do the same. Roman was tired, physically, and emotionally. Virgil has been putting him through a roller coaster, and Roman was telling him tomorrow that he wanted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is really angsty but it will get happy I promise!
> 
> Also, the song Virgil sings is She's Out Of Her Mind by blink-182. It has prinxiety vibes...yes I know including a song in my fic that isn't the song that inspired the fic is weird but I wanted to include it.


	3. The King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil Wakes up with a hangover and very little memory of the day before, Roman is tired of not talking about how he feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to post, but this chapter is based on The King by Conan Grey, another great song and a personal favorite. 
> 
> There is quite a bit of swearing in this chapter and the f-slur (slur only used once) but thought I would warn you.

When Virgil woke up, he noticed the pounding headache before he even opened his eyes. Virgil groaned in complaint and squeezed his eyes shut to block out the little bit of light that was slipping through his eyelids. He reached for his covers to pull them over his head and hide...but something was off. The bedsheets were smooth, not fuzzy like the ones he kept at home. Virgil opened his eyes and winced at the pain it brought to his head. Virgil put a hand to his head as he looked around. He wasn’t in his room...he was in Roman’s room. Still slow and groggy, Virgil sat up. He found a glass of water and pills on the nightstand and took them without a second of hesitation. He sighed and rested his head on the wall behind the bed and closed his eyes. He wasn’t doing that again.

Actually, what the hell did he actually do last night? Virgil let out another groan. This is why he didn’t get drunk. Virgil did his best to pull out memories from the haze. He went to the party with Janus. Janus left. Roman came. They had fun. He and Janus argued. Did Janus kick him out again? No. Virgil felt his stomach drop and his blood run cold. 

“I broke up with him.” He whispered to the empty room.

After the fight, everything was a blur. Virgil remembered drinking. He remembered Roman. He remembered music. Lights. He may have kissed someone. Virgil swore under his breath. How can he remember where Janus was marked up but not how he got to Roman’s house or why he was there? 

Virgil ran his fingers through his hair and heaved out another sigh. He felt like absolute shit. He felt gross. He could still smell alcohol on his clothes. He needed a shower. He needed some Windex on his brain to clear his thoughts, to help get rid of all of the hangover fog. He really did hate getting drunk. Why did he do this to himself? Yes, he did hate himself, but not _this_ much...okay that was maybe a bit of a lie. Virgil could have stayed in Roman’s bed all day, he could have done that even if he wasn't hungover (roman’s bed was way better than his), but the sound of cooking food started and when even his stomach betrayed him by letting out a low growl, Virgil reluctantly got up.

Preferably Virgil wouldn’t have gotten up until he had pieced together all of his memories, until he stopped feeling like death until roman came and forced him out of bed or tempted him out of the room with coffee. But today wasn't a normal day. 

When Virgil went into the kitchen, Roman didn’t look at him, focusing entirely on the food in front of him, which immediately put Virgil on edge. Roman always woke up before Virgil when he crashed at his place, due to whatever bullshit Janus pulled. Virgil would always sleep in and Roman would try all sorts of antics to try and get him up before noon. Nothing worked. Roman would sing and belt songs when he cooked, or at least hum on the rare days he would let Virgil sleep in. Today he was silent. Virgil watched the back of Roman’s head, suddenly aware of how quiet the kitchen was without his voice mixing with the sound and smell of cooking food. 

There was only one reason why Roman would be so quiet, Virgil fucked up. 

Virgil wasn’t hungry anymore as he felt his stomach churn with nausea. _What did he_ **_do_ ** _?_

Virgil stood rooted in place, doing his best to piece together what he could have done to make Roman mad at him. _Roman hated Janus, wouldn’t he be happy that he broke up with him? Didn’t we have fun? I think we had fun?_ **_What happened?_ **

Virgil was pulled out of his thoughts by Roman placing a plate of food in his hands and quietly moving over to the table. It was the first time Virgil had seen his face and...it looked like he hadn’t slept at all last night. Virgil quietly followed him like a scared and confused puppy that didn’t know what else to do, he didn’t want to press his luck by sitting next to him so he sat across from him. Both of them were quiet, neither of them ate or looked at the other. If even a stranger walked into the room, they would know that they were fighting. If you could even call sitting in complete silence across from one another “fighting”. The only problem was that Virgil didn’t know...why. He didn’t know what he did. He knew he _must_ have done something. He just can’t...remember it.

Finally, Virgil had enough of bouncing his leg, fidgeting with his clothes, and pushing at the food they weren’t eating, waiting for Roman to explode. Virgil was tired of his thoughts screaming at him, telling him that he ruined everything last night and that his best friend hated him, that he lost everyone. He didn’t have Janus anymore and now he doesn’t even have Roman. That he shouldn’t have gone to the party. He shouldn’t have told Roman to come. He shouldn’t have drank. He shouldn’t have drank that _much_ . He was never ever _ever_ drinking again. He was done spiraling. Virgil put his fork down and looked at Roman. “Just say it.”

Roman sighed, he still didn’t even look at him when he spoke, voice strangely even and devoid of emotion. “Can’t we finish eating first?”

Virgil let out an exasperated laugh. “We aren’t even fucking eating Roman. I feel like I’m sitting next to a ticking time bomb. Just say it. Why are you mad at me?”

Roman finally looked at him. “Mad? I’m not mad Virgil. I’m exhausted. I’m tired. I...I’m done. I’m done being set aside and treated like shit. I’m so tired of giving you everything and you giving me nothing, or when you do give me something you just...we avoid talking about it like the plague because you don’t want to.”

Virgil just sorta stared at him. “Roman what...what are you-“

Roman didn’t even give him a chance to complete that thought, “What do you remember from last night?”

Virgil felt his stomach lurch, suddenly very glad he hadn’t eaten anything. “I remember Janus ditching me, you showed up, then we had some fun until Janus came down and... I broke up with him...things get a little blurry after-“

Roman’s laugh was bitter as he suddenly stood, pushing his chair back so suddenly it fell, causing Virgil to jump. “Of course you don’t remember.”

Virgil gripped at his pants tightly. _Shit. Shit. Shit._ “Roman?”

Roman turned away from him and ran his fingers through his hair to try and soothe himself. Was he...he was tearing up. Virgil didn’t say anything, afraid of making it worse. Why couldn’t he remember? 

Once Roman had finally collected his thoughts and calmed down he slowly turned back to Virgil. “You kissed me, Virgil-“

Virgil’s eyes widened and he stood and jumped to his own defense. “I was drunk! You can’t-“

Roman held up his hand. “I’m not done.”

Virgil froze. There’s _more?_ _How can there be_ ** _more?_**

Roman looked at him. “You kissed me at the party. When I went to take you home you told me that you should have been with me instead of Janus. That you wished you could go back and change that. You kissed me again.”

“I-Roman I was...I was drunk and I just broke up with Janus. I was going through shit! You can’t- you can’t hold that against me! You can’t be mad at me for that!” 

“Then tell me it’s not true.” 

Virgil looked at him.

Roman took a step towards him, making it so there was hardly any space between them and they were practically nose to nose. “Look me in the eye and tell me that what you told me last night wasn’t true.”

Even though Virgil was taller than Roman, Virgil never felt smaller. He couldn’t remember everything he said. How can he tell him if it was true or not? Did Virgil wish he chose Roman over Janus? Janus was an ass. He knows that now. Part of him has always known it. If he could go back and never date him...would he pick Roman? Would he have dated Roman if he never dated Janus? _Yes._ But he couldn’t say it. His mouth opened only to close it as he looked away. 

Roman couldn’t help but be disappointed by the lack of response as he took a step back and looked away. “Of course. Because you can say it drunk, but you can’t say it sober.”

“Roman-"

“Save it, Virgil. We both know it’s true. You can kiss me when you have a date scheduled for someone else, when you’re drunk you can confess everything to me when you can’t remember it the next morning, you come to me when your boyfriend treats you like garbage. You like me. We both know it. Why can’t you just...you are hurting both of us, can’t you see that?”

Virgil looked at him. “It...it isn’t that simple…” But why couldn’t it be? Virgil knew Roman was right. So why was he denying him, denying himself? What was he so afraid of? His parents weren’t there anymore. Virgil left them in the dust. They weren’t there to criticize him for even talking to Roman. They weren’t there to say that Roman was a good for nothing fag corrupting their son. They had already broken up, but it didn’t matter to them. They weren’t there. Why was this a problem? Why was he still scared? It wasn’t like they were going to hunt him down if he was with Roman, they kicked him out as soon as he was 18.

“Why can’t it be?” Roman asked, grabbing his hands. “I hate seeing you hurt yourself like this.”

Virgil pulled his hands away. “So what? You- I- you want- I broke up with Janus yesterday! You can’t just swoop in and act like some sort of prince and act like everything is fine. Were… were you waiting for this to happen just to do some sort of confession and- to steal me away?”

Roman’s jaw became set. “I have been telling you to do that for months Virgil, not because- not because I- but because he hurts you! He has been treating you like shit and you come to me when he does it! He locks you outside of your appointment, he leaves you behind at dates, forgets your birthday, you should have done it so much sooner!”

“Why, so you can have me?” Virgil accused.

“So you wouldn’t be miserable!” Roman exclaimed exasperated. “You know, I have been telling you to dump him for months, but it’s my twin brother who gets you to dump him by fucking him!”

Virgil winced at the words as if they burned.

Roman took a deep breath to try and calm himself and ran his fingers through his hair that was an absolute mess. “Virgil I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted...but you are being an ass. The _entire_ ass. I- I have been there for you. I...when...after you apologized and we kissed I thought...but then you got with Janus. When Janus locked you outside and you came to me, I thought you were going to dump him. When you came to me crying and spent the night, I thought you were going to leave him because you finally had enough. You _told_ me that you- but he came over with black roses, your favorite, and you just...you kept going back. Each time it hurt worse than the last. I kept thinking...why wasn’t I good enough? You know when Janus left you at your anniversary dinner, I left an audition. I did that for _you_ , just to make you feel better because your so-called boyfriend- I...I have given so much for you and you...why am I never good enough?” Roman’s voice cracked as tears ran down his cheeks.

Virgil felt his walls crumble when he saw Roman cry he went over and hugged Roman tightly. “I never meant to...shit I...I’m sorry. Roman, I’m so sorry. You are enough I- I just… I’m- you’re right. I’m the entire ass, upper thighs, and cheeks.”

Roman let out a shaky and tear-filled laugh into Virgil’s chest. “Yeah, you are.”

“Maybe even throw in the upper back.”

Roman couldn’t help but laugh at that.

Virgil held Roman close. “I...I shouldn’t have...I’m sorry...I just...I was scared...last time it just...it didn’t go well.”

“Last time I broke up with you, asshole,” Roman mumbled from his spot in his chest.

Virgil was quiet for a moment. “That didn’t matter when my parents found out...they…”

Roman pulled away to look at him. “They found out?”

“After we broke up...about a week later I dyed my hair. My parents went through my phone and...they...they got rid of everything you gave me. They...they wouldn’t let me leave the house or have anyone over until they kicked me out when I turned 18. It...the house was a prison.” Virgil got quiet as he talked. 

Roman held Virgil Protectively. “That won’t happen again.”

“I...I know...it’s just…” Virgil drifted, it was hard to tell his anxiety that.

Roman looked at Virgil. “We don’t have to do anything right now. Your pace...okay?”

Virgil nodded. “Okay.”

“Just...don’t be an ass again.”

Virgil laughed slightly. “Okay.”

Roman and Virgil ended up spending the rest of that day calming down from their argument and watching movies. They both were emotionally drained, and Virgil still had a hangover, they didn’t really have the energy to do anything else. It was almost 10 pm when Virgil suddenly remembered that he had to get all of his stuff out of Janus’ apartment and only had 3 days. So the two scrambled out of Roman’s apartment and essentially harassed Janus into letting them get Virgil’s things. Janus gave them both a death glare the entire time they were there. Virgil and Roman were too busy laughing at the situation to care. By some miracle, Virgil was moved into Roman’s apartment within three days.

That of course gave Virgil anxiety about the whole “taking it slow” thing they were supposed to be doing. They were living together. Anytime Virgil mentioned it Roman just said “you were practically living here before. You just had your stuff over there.”

The two of them fell into a rhythm, it was natural. It was almost as if they had been living together for years. Roman would wake up and make breakfast, singing as he went to wake up a grumpy Virgil. Slowly what Roman would tempt Virgil awake with changed from coffee, to cuddles, to kisses. The change was so gradual that Virgil hardly even noticed. 

That is why when Virgil sat with his morning breakfast and coffee and murmured an “I love you” into the kiss. He didn’t even notice anything was different until Roman’s eyes lit up and he grinned at him widely.

Virgil paused, his mind still groggy from sleep, not realizing that he said the words he had been trying to keep in his head. “What?”

Roman started peppering his face with kisses, practically assaulting his sleepy and grumpy boyfriend’s face with kisses, “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you!”

Virgil laughed softly. “Ro-" he was only cut off with more kisses and more I love yous.

Virgil gently shoved him away. “Let me drink my coffee.”

Roman didn’t stop smiling.

Neither did Virgil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad I finally got this finished and posted! I hope you guys like this! Sorry It took so long and to leave you hanging.


End file.
